I’m going to finish my first novel this week. I’m determined to do it. It was meant to be done by the end of January, but I’m not going to be down about it because lets face it, a novel is hard work and it’s difficult to even just show up each day at the computer or desk ready to work. The cold weather has been off putting when it comes to working at my desk – and all I’ve felt like doing is curling up somewhere and reading. I know if I do that, though, that I’ll kick myself for not making any effort to work. I guess it’s difficult as a writer when you love books so much that there’s always that guilt that you’re not doing enough writing and spending too much time reading. Maybe I need to strike a balance somehow.

My parents and I went to a BSL talk before going to see the David Hockney exhibition at the Royal Academy on Friday night. If you’re deaf or hard of hearing, you can go to BSL or Lipspeaking talks for £3 per deaf person and if you have a hearing companion, they go for free. The exhibition was amazing – a lot of the canvases were huge and took my breath away with the colour he uses. He kind of sees things differently – so much colour in places where most people see varying shades of grey and muddy browns. I know that the full price tickets for the Royal Academy are hugely expensive, and I don’t think we could manage it if we didn’t have such a big concession. It does annoy me that art can be quite unattainable sometimes because of massive ticket prices.  Art is one of the biggest pleasures in life, and I feel that everyone should be able to access it.

This is why platforms like Tumblr are so incredible because on a ground-roots level, people can access art, illustration and photography. Although certain things are not accessible because of copyright laws, I feel that Tumblr has the capacity to bring art to people who might not be able to go to an art exhibition. It can only do more for an artist to be appreciated by more people. Its such a visual medium, and has a lot of possibility.

I hope you had a good Monday – and if you didn’t – it’s over now!

Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.  ~ Pablo Picasso

Well, my sister has gone and awarded me another blog award – The Versatile Blogger Award (what are sisters for?!). Sarah is one of those people who spreads love wherever she goes – its a honour to receive a blog award from her. Thank you Sarah! Her blog has gone from strength to strength over the past few months, and every time I have a look at her blog it has something to inspire and and keep me going through the day. I might be biased, but I think she’s an excellent photographer and general curator of happy, beautiful things. Go have a look if you haven’t already!

So, according to the award, this is what I have to do:

RULES

As per the rules of a nominee adopting from the Versatile Blogger Award, I will:

1. Add the Versatile Award photo on a blog post

2. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.

3. Share 7 things about myself.

4. Pass the award along to 15 favorite bloggers.

5. Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

7 Things About Myself:

• I’m a feminist. I believe that men and women are equal human beings and that women have a right to equal pay, equal rights and to not treated as inferior beings. This doesn’t mean I think women are the better sex (neither are men) – just that I would rather be considered as a whole human person, with all my faults and weird habits.
• I love trying new recipes – in the past two weeks I’ve cooked a new recipe almost every day – Irish Stew with Dumplings, Mee Goreng (an Indonesian beef noodle dish), Chicken Risotto, Chinese Greens with Chinese BBQ pork…I’m having fun trying as many recipes as possible this year!
• I love baking cupcakes and cakes – proper ones with real flavourings from fruit and other things (like peanut butter cupcakes, yum).
• Interior design – I love it! Dan and I only have one room to decorate until we have our own place, but it’s definitely a place where I feel creative and have lots of colourful books and objects and notebooks around me to make me feel inspired when I’m feeling rubbish.
• I collect books about writing – everything from Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones, to The Creative License by Danny Gregory, to Listography: Your Life in Lists. I’m running out of space, but it’s an addiction and I know that when I hit a block, I’ve got all these books to keep me working.
• Like my sister, I adore pasta – its one of my childhood favourites and I love it with anything, whether tomato and basil or something more extravagant.
• One of my dreams is to open a shop selling cupcakes, books, photography and jewellery – all made by my sister and I. It’s a dream of ours – she wants to sell our jewellery and her photography, and I want to sell books, cupcakes and jewellery. I think it would be a cool space for workshops too – writing, baking and jewellery workshops. So a kind of creative hub!

I’m tagging these people:

1. Definatalie – she is an inspiration to me – a brilliant illustrator, a fat acceptance activist, someone who has been through so much and blogs thoughtfully about everything. She also creates radical and beautiful jewellery and is a stylish outfit of the day blogger!

2. Pocket Rocket Fashion – Lauren is one of the first blogs I started reading when I got into the plus size fatshion scene. She blogs about all kinds of fashion and plus size related issues – and calls out the industry on their lack of choice for plus size men and women. I find this spurs me on to keep challenging those stereotypes that fat men and women can’t be stylish and have their own sense of style.

3. Aw, Diddums – again, a brilliant blog full of insights into different things – and often hilarious and astute meditations on life. I started reading this blog way back when, and its just one of those gems – with a lovely author!

4. The Literary Mom – this blog is full of excellent advice for writers. Especially inspiring is that she’s finished a few manuscripts and is working one day at a time to achieve her dream of being a published writer. I love her take on being a writer and a parent and how they use the same skill set. I always feel heartened and determined after reading her blog, because it reminds me that many people are going through the same thing.

5. Caorthine – another budding novellist, who recently got freshly pressed! She just started blogging this month. I always feel like there’s something to celebrate when I read her blog – whether its celebrating my love of reading, cats or photography.

6. The Silent Soul – this blog makes me think and appreciate things in life. She truly is a versatile blogger, and is equally at home writing book reviews as she is with writing about her life. I love her ponderings – she is a brilliant writer!

7. Sound Bites: The Ramblings of Amelia Pontes – I’ve been reading her ramblings for a long time. I love her style, her outlook on life, and reading about her writing journey. Every time I read one of her posts about being grateful, she makes me feel grateful too. She also loves lists as much as I do!

8. Charlie Swinbourne - a deaf journalist, scriptwriter and director from London. He also writes a column for The Hearing Times. He recently became a stay at home Dad, and has started blogging about his experiences. He is combining that with being a Freelance journalist – this is inspiring to me as I’m just getting started on my Freelance writing journey!

9. Milly’s Wonderland – Ramona is a dear friend, and although she’s been busy with her dissertation and hasn’t had that much time to blog, I love when she does post – her thoughts and photos make me smile! She also has a tumblr which she uses to post about inspirational artists and work that inspire her artwork.

10. Jackie Evans – a hilarious take on life, the universe and everything. A must read!

11. The Phoenix Plains – I love this blog so much – what she writes about I can relate to and although I don’t comment much (sorry!), I always read her posts. She makes me think, and makes me empathise with others better. Inspiring stuff!

12. Sh*t My 6 Year Old Says - Jack has recently turned 7, so really it’s Sh*t My 7 Year Old Says, but this blog is brilliant and makes me marvel at how weird and wonderful children are. The dialogue is hilarious in this ‘you couldn’t make it up’ way!

13. Books and Bowel Movements – I only just started reading Cassie’s blog, but I love it already! Its great when you discover new blogs – I can’t wait to get stuck into the archives…

14. These Things and Me – her blog tagline sums it up: musings about the minutiae and magnificence of life. You can’t read this blog and not come away feeling happy or amazed at the amazingness (yes, that’s made up) of life.

15. Aspire. Motivate. Succeed. – one of those blogs that does exactly what it says on the tin – helps you to feel you can aspire to great things and your dreams and helps to motivate you. When I’m not feeling all that great, this blog is an excellent source of inspiration.

So there you have it – sorry if I’ve missed anyone out, it was hard work compiling a list of 15 links, but it was worth it to spread good karma…

If you don’t read widely or within your genre, how do you know what is good writing and what is not so good, and what is definitely terrible? Or how do you understand what a good story is, what plot is and how the best characters are multi-dimensional and always have something flawed about them? Or even, what kind of writing speaks to you, what style you like, what form works best for you. In reading, I find inspiration, phrases that speak to me, words that nourish my imagination and help me when I’m despairing at that sentence I just can’t find the words for. Even when I’m writing something, I read – don’t believe those who say that reading other people’s work whilst writing will dilute your own voice. Even if it does, it is usually because there is something in that work that brings out something else in you, and all creative people know that inspiration can take you in many different directions – usually for the better. Books are where you learn the best and worst of writing. They are where you learn from those who have gone before you. It makes me appreciate the writing craft more, and it also makes me feel that other authors and writers have your back – don’t be envious, remember that they all believe in this craft of writing and that self belief is one of the most important traits to encourage in yourself. It isn’t a belief that you’re the best and you’re better than them – it is more a quiet belief that you CAN write this, that it is worth it, because you want it enough and no matter what anyone else thinks, this makes you happy.

Ever since my parents read to me – Winnie the Pooh, Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – I have found that reading is the magic that takes me away, that inspires me to write, that gives me something other than day to day life. Books are like travelling when you’re sitting still. They take your mind somewhere different everyday. Books contain a journey within them – a journey that is different for every single reader. Nobody gets the same thing from one book. That is why its such a pleasure when you can talk about a book with someone because you’ve read the same book, but you haven’t been on the same journey in the same way. It is like travelling to the same place but doing different things, in the same cafes, meeting the same people, but having an entirely different experience altogether. Sharing book recommendations is important – but if someone else doesn’t like a book and you love it, don’t take it too personally, because we all bring different experiences to the same book. Sure, this might seem like mumbo jumbo, but it’s the best way I know how to describe reading.

The more you read, the more you instinctively start to understand what works, why certain things lodge themselves in your mind and heart. This can only help you as a writer. It all gets churned up and comes back out as something amazing on paper. It gives you the spirit to keep going. Imagine your favourite author doing exactly the same thing as you, having similar issues with sentences and paragraphs, agonising over where the characters are going next. Many drafts later, this novel you are reading finally got published.

And if you can’t be bothered reading anything, you might want to ask yourself why you’re writing. If you haven’t read anything – there’s no time like the present! Reading is the best teacher you’ll ever have. If you have a library, it’s free.

If there’s a book you really want to read but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.  ~ Toni Morrison

*Cross posted from Fate is Chance. Destiny is Choice.

Another thing that has been making me low is the money situation I’m in. I know I shouldn’t let money get to me – I know its not in my control at the moment, because of changes the government have been making, and now more than ever I feel that I have to pull myself together and set up my own business and figure out what skills I need in order to do what I want. If that means taking courses in Proofreading or Editing or Copywriting, that is what I might have to do. Life is far too short to spend it under a cloud of uncertainty. It’s difficult to see where to go next though when you’re worrying about whether you’ll be able to pay the bills next month, or if you’ll be able to have a social life. I’ve been so lucky, I’ve had and have got so many amazing opportunities. This month for the Hearing Times I’ve interviewed (by email) an incredibly inspiring person, and it gives me hope for the future. It’s very easy to be pulled down by money issues, but I’m determined to make this work. I don’t know. I guess because not knowing is the hardest thing sometimes. This probably sounds cryptic, but I don’t mean it to be, I guess I’d rather some things remained private! Maybe one day I’ll feel able to talk about the issues I’ve been having, but not at the moment.

Last year I experienced these things:

• Doing NaNoWriMo for the first time and winning.
• Novel writing in a cool cafe bar in London
• Completing a one month blogging challenge in October
• Being a member of the ‘Press’ for the first time at the Edinburgh Festival
• Passing my BSL Stage 2 Exam
• Staying in a Studio apartment in Barcelona
• Writing four articles for The Hearing Times
• Reading 60 books in one year for the Goodreads Challenge
• Dan and I’s ten year anniversary. Literally. We met when I was 16 and he was 18 in August 2001.
• Going to Oxford for the weekend.
• Plus London in February
• Seeing Thomas Truax live at The Spice of Life in January
• Going to my friend’s engagement party
• Graduating from The Open University with a Diploma in Literature and Creative Writing.
• Losing a beloved Cat.
• Learning important lessons about motivation and self esteem
• Learning how to let go and let it be.
• Challenges are important to my sense of adventure

I’m sure there are other things that happened last year that I haven’t mentioned, but these are the things that stick out the most at the moment. I’m not sure what this year is going to bring, but I hope things will go somewhere positive, and that I’ll find the motivation and inspiration to finish and edit my first novel. Then write another one…maybe?

Maybe I need to be kinder to myself and admit that there will be times when I have late nights, but this does take the biscuit! It might be a combination of things – our room is in two parts so half of it has our desks, the TV, couch, then on the other side in the eaves of the room is the bed and some bookshelves and my dressing table (a hand me down from my Grandma). Having the media in the room is unfortunately an essential, because my Mum has her study and I need the workspace for writing up here. It is making it harder for me to go to sleep though, when I can see all this media and stuff in the same room. A while ago, I considered making a kind of screen or curtain or something like that to partition the room better, but the space is taken up with storage, so I don’t think there’s room. Since it’s an attic conversion, there is plenty of space, but two people have a lot of stuff! Has anyone else had the same problem – and how have you tried to solve it? I’m pretty much in that place where I’m desperate to sort this insomnia out once and for all, because it’s driving me crazy and I need to be able to work better.

Anyway, I know I haven’t been blogging much, and I do think that this month is a bit of a non-starter. January is a bit of a sad month – the pretty lights get put away, the decorations come down, there isn’t much to celebrate and there is a distinct lack of funds. I haven’t been able to afford to go out or do anything much this month, so maybe that is contributing to my SAD. I keep thinking that I should go out more, get out of the house and go for walks – since we actually have a park down the road, and I can just grab a flask of coffee and go exploring. However, tomorrow I’m going to see a show that I’m really excited about, a book I loved as a kid, and still love with all my heart – Matilda. I know its going to be fantastic, and its the first thing I’ve done this month that I’ve been so excited about. I’ll let you know what it’s like!

This post was meant to be Monday Night Inspiration, and sorry it’s turned into a bit of a downer! I’ve got some lovely photos from this week, especially of Flossie – she actually looked into the camera for once. My sister and I also went over to a dear friend’s house to try and help her with an art exhibition she’s setting up for her Art degree, so that was interesting and I’m so looking forward to seeing how it turns out for her. She has some brilliant ideas and I’m inspired by what she’s been doing – she’s focusing on changing and challenging people’s perceptions of size and fat, inspired by self acceptance, challenging the media norms and feminism. I took some photos of my belly for her, as she’s going to be creating a collage of people’s bellies, and she’s done some casts of torsos and videos of people eating.

I’ve surprised myself with my dedication to posting on my 366 Days Tumblr, and also posting the same photos onto my website blog (Fate is Chance. Destiny is Choice.) – I’m getting into photos in a major way this year. I feel the more I get into it, the more I get a feel for portraying my everyday life, for finding the beautiful things in everyday moments.

I hope you have a good week, and that my photos inspire you to make your own beautiful moments…

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.  ~ e.e. cummings, 1955

- Coldplay.

Anyway, apart from that, the past week mostly involved receiving sale bargains in the post, having another article published in The Hearing Times, starting to cook my own food again with Dan (we rely on my parents far too much, and decided that this has to change), reading, appreciating the small things, watching Charmed and random films with friends and Dan, making lists and taking photos. My 366 Days project is up and running on Tumblr, so head over if you want to see me make a fool of myself in a Lush face mask.

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles.  It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.  ~ Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

2012 Bucket List:

• Read up to 70 books this year. I read 60 books last year, which is a new personal record. I know, quality over quantity – but I want to look back and feel my mind and heart teeming with new characters and amazing stories that I will love forever. Last year I read some amazing books. I discovered new favourite authors and came away with many beautiful experiences. We readers know what it is to fly with dragons, stand at the top of the world with only air between us and the ground, we know what it is like to fall in love and out of love and feel the pain of betrayal and the joy of redemption. Dramatic, much?
• Complete a novel. And start another one. I’m almost done with Ashes, it will get done by the end of this week. Then I am determined to start the next novel, or at least start planning it. I will not be deterred by my inner critic.
• Persevere with the freelance work – find more places to submit my work, and forge new connections.
• Write at least a short story a month. It will help my novel writing and will also help me practice different things.
• Finish the photo-book of 2011 by the end of February.
• Celebrate all the milestones and small achievements, even if you only have a glass of wine!
• Collect all the little inspiring things you find and see out and about – newspapers, strange experiences, things that capture your attention. You never know when they’ll come in handy!
• Carry on setting up Millicent May Designs with Sarah. It will be a beautiful adventure, worthy of our hard work.
• Travel as much as I can – even if just for a day trip to the seaside, a change of scenery always makes things feel better.
• Take lots of photos. Collect them for the end of the year when I’ll make another photobook.
• Start saving up for things. Don’t spend money too freely, and always make sure there’s money left over at the end of the month. But remember – it’s only money, and life is about more than having or not having money.
• Look after myself better – keeping myself healthy and happy will hopefully make me more productive. I want to remember not to twist myself in knots trying to please other people, and remember that letting them get me down only leads to self doubt.
• Try and meet new people. I’m naturally shy and retiring at heart, but I know that the key to getting myself out there means more networking. Writing is a lonely thing, and I would love to meet more writers. Maybe by the end of this year I’ll have made some new friends!
• Learn something new. Try new recipes, learn how to make something from a craft book, maybe sign up for a short course or two. Keep things fresh and interesting. Look for inspiration all the time.
• Keep lists to add to – travel destinations I want to go to, books I want to read, exhibitions and art I want to see, music I want to listen to, new things to try. Be curious and open minded. I’ll cross things off the lists when I’ve done them!
• Blog at least twice a week. This year I added 100 posts to this blog, much more than I did last year. I’m hoping to add more than that to this blog, and I hope that what I write will inspire you!

So, this is what I’ve come up with so far. I don’t know how much of it I will manage, but I’m going to try for it all – because life is short and there is so much to look forward to. I started last year with some brilliant experiences – Plus London, Thomas Truax at the Spice of Life, Pub Quizzes with friends and family. I hope that this year will bring more beautiful experiences and I hope that this year is everything you want it to be. Remember that for every sad and difficult thing there is to face, there will be something wonderful to dull the pain. We lost a beautiful cat last year, and she was amazing, and I still miss her so much. But we have Flossie and I know that Gigi isn’t in any more pain any longer. There are still family issues for us to deal with but I know that being strong and appreciating the good things will pull us all through. Keep those you love close, and remember to love yourself too.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~ Oscar Wilde.